Finding
by Zelda Silver
Summary: This is a story about Hawke and Alistair. Characters and dialogue are from Dragon Age and Dragaon Age 2.
1. Chapter 1

An Alistair and Hawke romance based on the characters and dialogue from Bioware's Dragon Age and Dragon Age 2.

**Chapter 1 – Finding Strength **

"My friends. We are gathered here to pay our respects to Erin Amell, the Grey Warden who saved us all. She gave her life…" Alistair's voice cracked with emotion and he paused. His jaw was aching from holding back his tears, holding in the pain.

"She gave her life to destroy the Blight, a sacrifice we must never forget." He paused again and swallowed hard. He cleared his throat and continued.

"It was no accident that she was there. She was special and each of us was touched by her in some way. I… I thought we'd be together forever."

A tear began to roll down his cheek. Somehow, Alistair finished his eulogy. "You will be missed Erin, more than I could possibly say." His deep, rich voice trailed off and overcome by grief, he bowed his head and left the pyre to take his place beside Irving.

She was gone. Erin Amell, the hero of Fereldon, was gone. She had sacrificed herself to ensure that he, and not Anora, wore the crown. Alistair had never felt more alone. She had believed in him, more than he believed in himself. His best friend and sometime lover had taught him more about life and love and faith in the year or so that they had known one another, than all his years with Eamon and all his years at the Chantry put together. His heart was truly broken and the desolation that pervaded his soul was slowly bleeding all joy from his being.

After the funeral, Alistair slept for three days. When he finally found the energy to get out of bed, he reached for her letter to read it for the hundredth time..

_My Dearest, Dearest, Alistair_

_If you are reading this letter, then Riordan was unable to slay the Archdemon. I know that I promised to let you take the killing blow. Please know that I hated to break my promise to you. It was the first time I ever lied to you and I guess it will be the last time (are you grinning now?). It was me who hit you from behind, a lovely little spell that Irving taught me, as you no doubt suspected. I hope I didn't hurt you too badly._

_Alistair, I could not let you die. Please understand. You are the only one who can keep Ferelden safe from the corrupt madness of those like Loghain and Howe. You are a man of honor and justice and vision. Only you will help the Dalish find a permanent home. Only you will help Mages and the Templars build a new relationship. And only you will see that the all that was lost at Ostagar is reclaimed for Duncan, for Cailan, and for the Grey Wardens. This is your birthright Alistair, and despite what you think, there is no one who could lead Ferelden better than you. _

_You and I both know it was really you who led us through the Blight. You practiced hiding your birthright well and learned to lead from behind. This will serve you well as King. Every step of the way you gently pushed and prodded. You provided the right amount of information, asked the right questions at the right time to the right people and suddenly your ideas were our ideas. And only then could we push forward to do the right thing. You are very clever Alistair, and very wise. I may well be called a hero of Ferelden but I know who the true hero is._

_Do you remember how we joked that we were not "in love with" one another, but rather "in need with" one another? I wonder what our lives would have been like after the Blight. We never thought that far ahead – how could we? Would we still have been in need? All I know is that meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me. You brought joy to a life that once was filled with despair and anger. You brought me pleasure to chase away the pain (you really are very good at pleasuring you know) and you brought me the strength and the courage to get up every morning with renewed faith and vigor to fight another day._

_Alistair I know that you have suffered much loss and pain in your life. The hardest thing about my decision is that I know it will hurt you. And that is the only regret I have, aside from my inability to have protected Cullen. Please do not be angry with me Alistair. Know that I am awed and humbled by you – by your grace and charm, your humor and your kindness. I love you more than my words can express._

_I am watching you sleep as I write this. You are snoring, and I am smiling – filled with the joy of knowing that I have been blessed by your friendship and love. Thank you, Alistair. Return to yourself, Alistair. Return to who you were meant to be. Find the love of your life and please, please, stay safe and be happy._

_Erin_

Alone now in his bedroom, sitting on his favorite threadbare chair, he let his tears flow freely. Alistair and Erin had grown to care deeply for one another. Their friendship was strong and they had been fiercely loyal to each other. The horror of what they saw as they journeyed throughout Ferelden during the blight drew them close both emotionally and in time, physically. Always passionate and deeply satisfying, their love making was born out of fear and loneliness and a shared need to feel the full beauty of life, in the face of death and senseless destruction. They loved one another truly, but were never certain that they were in love. It mattered not. They had chosen to live life as fully as they could, for death during the Blight, was always just around the corner.

~XXX~

Five years had passed since her death. Alistair, despite his despair, always drew strength from Erin's final words to him. Her letter, so worn, was kept on his night stand and read often. He still had the occasional nightmare of that day on top of Fort Drakon. It haunted him, tormented him. He had been inches from the archdemon when a blow to the back of his head knocked him out. His next memory was of holding the dying mage in his arms and weeping inconsolably

Despite his emptiness, Alistair ruled with a fair and wise hand, rebuilding the country, providing land to the Dalish, and opening the doors to a new relationship between Mages and Templars. With the support of Teagan and Eamon, Wynne, Leliana, and Zevran, Alistair slowly began to heal. But the quick wit, easy spirit, charm and grace that so endeared him to the Hero and to his companions was less evident. Alistair had worked diligently and tirelessly to rebuild Fereldon, but of late, he felt the walls of his Denerim Palace, begin to close in on him. He needed to get away.

"Teagan, I need to leave the country for awhile." Alistair began, the next day, during breakfast. " It has been a while since I toured Thedas, and Empress Celene has requested that I visit. And I want to stop in Kirkwall for a few days."

"Cullen?"

"Yes. We haven't heard from him for a while and I am concerned."

"Fine, I will have our things readied." Teagan replied

"Our things?" Alistair said, his old impish grin appearing on his face. "Teagan I am going alone. Zevran has cleared the way. I will be fine. I want to go alone. Meet me in Orlais if you must, but to Kirkwall, I go alone. No sense in making my visit there official at this time. It would only conjure up suspicion and jeopardize Cullen."

"Fine." Teagan said. "It shall be arranged."

Alistair grunted. He knew what that meant. Teagan did not give up so easily unless he intended to have him followed. "Just keep your men out of my way and out of sight." Alistair said as sternly as he could muster. He was too weary to fight, and Teagan was so stubborn, he would lose anyway.

"Yes your Highness!" Teagan said, bowing as his eyes rolled.

"Great. You are sniveling now. Good night Teagan, and thank-you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two – Finding Cullen**

"Whose idea was this anyway? " Alistair muttered to himself. It was cold and wet and rainy, and he was feeling seasick. Thankfully the harbor was in view and the ship would be docked within the hour. Despite feeling physically miserable, being away from the palace and on his own felt freeing. For the first time in a very long time, Alistair felt some sense of peace.

Alistair arrived at the busy port and was immediately accosted by a young Elven lad.

"You Al?" He said.

Alistair stared blankly at the boy.

"Ah, ah, yes, that's me. Good old Al from Ferelden. Absolutely!" Alistair said, recovering quickly, or so he thought.

The Elf looked at him dubiously and then handed him a note. Alistair gave the boy and few silvers, and with a huge grin, the boy bounded off. The note was from Cullen, letting him know he had secured Alistair a room at a place called the Hanged Man in Lowtown.

"Sounds like a lovely place - only the best for the King I see."Alistair thought to himself with a weary smile. "Well as long as I don't have to camp, I am happy!"

Of course, when Alistair arrived at the Hanged Man, camping in the woods seemed preferable. The place was dirty and smelled like sour beer and vomit. He spied Cullen in a corner, and throwing his canvas pack over his shoulder, joined him at the table.

"My friend." Alistair said, clasping him around the shoulders. "You are well?"

"As well as I can be, your High, I mean … Al." Cullen replied, almost chocking on the words.

Alistair ginned.

"Your room is the second one on the right. Here is the key." Cullen said. "Watch out for a Dwarf named Varric. He is a good man, but nosey as hell."

They drank in silence for awhile.

Cullen had been a Templar Lieutenant at the Ferelden Circle during the Blight and he had been a good friend to Erin. Indeed, Erin had confessed to Alistair that she had a rather large crush on Cullen, and that she believed the feeling was mutual, but Mages and Templars… well any relationship between them was strictly forbidden. Alistair often wondered if Erin's hope was that one day perhaps she and Cullen would have to freedom to at least explore their relationship given her status a Grey Warden. Alistair remembered the day she told him about Cullen.

"_He kissed me Alistair. Just before I left with Duncan, he kissed me and he gave me his sacred Templar amulet. The memory of that moment is what keeps me going sometimes. Promise me, if anything happens to me, let him know that how much he meant a lot to me and let him know that I will keep his amulet to give me strength in the fade."_

But after what happened to Cullen at the Circle during the Blight – being imprisoned by Uldred, tormented by desire demons, and having to watch his comrades being slaughtered one by one by corrupted Mages, – Erin's hopes had surely dimmed. She was certain that Cullen could never forgive her. She had been devastated that she could not have prevented the incident and devastated too, that she had been unable to help Cullen recover. And yet, ironically, it was Cullen's strong feelings for Erin that pulled him through and helped him to heal. That he was never able to tell her that, to apologize for the horrible things he said that day she found him ensnared in Uldred's evil, was perhaps his greatest regret, and the primary motivation for his being in Kirkwall.

Alistair also remembered the day he met with Cullen just after Erin was killed. He recalled the tight knot in his stomach as he hesitantly approached the door to Cullen's study. He had been dreading this moment, but he wanted to honor Erin's final request.

"Cullen. I am here to talk to you about Erin." Alistair's voice was strained and cracking from emotion. "I was with her just before she died, and she made me promise to come to you as soon as I could." The tears that had been forming were now flowing freely. The thought of her, lying limply in his arms as she took in her last breath, was still painful. He composed himself and continued.

"She asked me to ask you for your forgiveness. You looked out for her, went out of your way to help her at the Circle. You protected her and you always treated her as a woman who had value and worth. She said to tell you that she would not be returning the amulet you gave her. She told me that it was a symbol of your friendship that gave her the strength and courage to face the blight and to kill the archdemon. And she wanted that strength and courage to be with her even in the fade." Alistair could not continue.

Cullen hung his head and began to weep. He had struggled so with his feelings towards Erin. He knew if he opened his heart to her there would be no turning back. But he had not been ready for that, and when she left to join the Warden's, there was a feeling of great sorrow and sadness, for he would miss her terribly.

Alistair recalled that he and Cullen began drinking brandy in Erin's honor in the late afternoon that day. They must have consumed at least three bottles between the two of them. By the next morning, Alistair and Cullen had become the best of friends, and they both knew that Erin would absolutely be delighted. Before he left, Alistair told Cullen of his plans.

"In honor of Erin, I hope one day to turn the Tower into a university. Scholars from all of Thedas could come to study there. But we need to resolve questions about the role of the Templars in relation to the Circle. Even Erin would agree that Mages need to be trained and Templars need to protect those who cannot stand up to the demons. But destroying families, and in essence imprisoning mages, cannot be the only solution. I hear things are dire in Kirkwall, that there are more demons than mages there and that the Knight Captain Meredith is fanatical. We need to understand what is going on there and make sure it doesn't happen here. Will you help?"

And here they were, five, almost six years later.

"Any progress Cullen?" Alistair asked.

"I apologize Alistair. I t seems harder these days to find a good thug who will take one of my missives to Ferelden, and to answer your question, I am sorry to say that not much has changed. It is as we suspected. The Viscount is a fine man, but he is being squeezed on all sides."

Cullen took a sip of his ale and continued.

"The Chantry, the Templars, the Mages, countless thieve guilds and smugglers, and Maker help us, even the Qunari are pulling him in a dozen directions. The Grand Cleric is a wonderful woman, but she believes that the Maker will simply swoop down upon us, and suddenly we shall all make the right decisions and justice will prevail. So she does nothing." Cullen said, shaking his head.

"Well, I have always thought swooping is bad" Alistair said, realizing at once, Cullen wouldn't get the reference.

"And Meredith." Cullen continued. "I believe her heart is in the right place, but she runs the Circle like a prison. Makes Fort Drakon look like a walk in the park. Orsino, the First Enchanter, is a good man, but he is weak and naive. Even kind, gentle Irving could eat him for breakfast! I don't know Alistair. I am doing what I can, but it feels like I am caught in the vortex of a hurricane that I cannot control."

You are doing what you can Cullen, clearly."

" The bottom line is that the majority of mages at the circle are poorly trained and weak. There are probably more apostates in the city than there are circle mages. The veil is thin here Alistair, and the vulnerability for untrained mages is frightening. Treatment of the mages by Meredith and some of her goons is so nasty that it almost invites mages to dabble in the forbidden. The Templars range from inexperienced to cruel." He rubbed his hand across his forehead. "I am trying, but there is not much one man can do. It is one mage and one Templar at a time I'm afraid."

"Nonetheless your efforts are appreciated." Alistair said. "Perhaps it is time to return home?"

"No!" Cullen said a little too forcefully and little too quickly. Alistair raised his eyebrows, waiting.

"I, you see … well, I have met someone." Cullen said, casting his eyes downwards.

"That's wonderful news." Alistair said grinning from ear to ear. "Not another Mage I hope" he teased, and began to laugh. He took a gulp of his beer and then he saw that Cullen was not laughing.

" Cullen? Tell me you are joking! You are joking aren't you? Holy Maker, you aren't joking!"

Cullen shook his head. "Her name is Bethany Hawke. She is from Lothering. Escaped the Blight with her family. Her father had been a Circle Mage here in Kirkwall. a templar apparently helped him to escape to Ferelden years ago. Her father trained her. Alistair, she is very talented."

"Cullen" Alistair said. "How in the Maker's name did this happen? Are you a glutton for punishment?"

" I don't know how it happened. It just did. We fell in love. Alistair, she is tough and strong, and very beautiful. And she is helping me. I turned her in recently and… "

Alistair was incredulous. "You turned in the woman you love to the Gallows, which you have described as a prison worse than Fort Drakon. Cullen, are you mad? And please don't ever tell me you love me!"

"Really? Gee, you were going to me my next victim." Cullen grinned.

"Look it wasn't like that. The Hawke family began to gain some attention here in Kirkwall and Meredith was on to her. I came to warn her, to sneak her out of the city and back to Ferelden. She refused. She said she didn't want to run anymore, and," Cullen smiled sadly, "she didn't want to leave me."

Cullen emptied his mug and motioned for another.

"So we hatched a plan. I would turn her in. I could ensure she was safe and protected. I am the Knight Captain, and I am not without influence. In the meantime, Bethany is teaching the mages, strengthening them. She has done more in the year she has been at the Circle, then Orsino has done since becoming First Enchanter. She is happy. Using her talents to help others. It is slow, but we are chipping away. And we are together, and that means the world to us both."

Alistair was shaking his head. "I don't know what to say Cullen except that I am happy for you, and I gratefully accept help then from you both."

"Alistair, she is very special, and she would be…there is one more thing." Cullen said. "She is an Amell, Alistair, Erin's cousin in fact."

Alistair was surprised to say the least and excited too. Alistair immediately wanted to meet Bethany. But Cullen didn't think that was wise or even possible considering where she was living right now. Besides, Bethany was barely out of diapers when Erin was taken to the Circle. Her older sister, Katelyn, might be a better source of information Cullen told Alistair.

"This Hawke woman - can she be trusted? Does she know about you?" Alistair asked

"I think is … well I don't know how quite to describe her. A rogue? A rebel? An adventurer? She hangs out with Varric. In fact, she went to the Deep Roads with Varric and that is where she made her fortune. Bethany trusts her of course, and she has come to my aid in the past. She is a woman with principle and passion. Sticks her neck out for what is right. She knows about me and Bethany but no, she does not know why I came to Kirkwall." Cullen told him.

The hour was late, and Alistair was exhausted. He said good night to Cullen, and went off to find his room. He bathed quickly, stripped down to his under clothes and laid on the bed, pulling the rough wool blanket up to this chin. He struggled to find sleep. Alistair tossed and turned in his rather uncomfortable bed. The mattress was made of straw and was likely filled with creepy crawly things. Tomorrow, Alistair decided, as he lay awake watching a coach roach crawl up the side of the wall, he would take a trip to Hightown and pay a little visit to Bethany's sister. And maybe, he would find another inn – perhaps one not quite so quaint.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three –Finding Katelyn **

The Hawke estate was not hard to find. Cullen had given him clear directions. Alistair hoped he was well enough disguised, not that many Ferelden refugees would be hanging around in Hightown, and not that any who left during the Blight could possibly know him. He was simply an anonymous Grey Warden then. Nonetheless, he was taking no chances. He had let his hair grow quite long and had a good beginning to a full facial beard. He dressed simply. White cotton shirt, suede vest and britches of tans and browns, and soft black boots. He was dressed neither as a pauper or a noble, but rather as a well-to-do commoner.

He rang the door chime and waited patiently for someone to answer. Within seconds, the door opened. Alistair stepped into a spacious, well appointed foyer.

"Well, I'll be!" The booming voice that was all too familiar to Alistair. "King Alistair! Sandal, come quickly, it is Alibear come to visit us right here in Kirkwall!" Bodahn yelled.

Sandal came running. When he saw Alistair Sandal's perpetual grin widened.

"Enchantment Alibear! Enchantment!" Sandal said as he hugged Alistair so tightly he could barely breathe. Suddenly, a particularly large Mabari, who wanted in on the excitement came bounding in. Barking rather loudly he bowled Sandal over and Alistair, found himself on the floor of the foyer, Sandal on top of him and the big Mabari slobbering all over his face.

As he struggled to get himself up, his eyes focused on a pair of suede boots. As he followed the boots upwards he saw a woman's hand extended. As his eyes rose even further, he found himself staring up at a very beautiful woman with a very big smirk on her face.

"Let me help you up, King Alibear." said the woman.

Bodahn had managed to remove Sandal from Alistair and to convince the Mabari that the excitement was over. Graciously, Alistair accepted the extended hand, and was surprised by her strength as she literally pulled him upright.

Embarrassed and more than annoyed that his cover was blown, he bowed. Of course Cullen probably would not have known that Bodahn and Sandal were in Hawke's employ, and even if he did, he would not have known about Alistair's prior relationship with them.

"Pleased to meet you. I am Alibear." he said, his face a deep shade of red as he corrected himself "Alistair.".

"And I am Katelyn Hawke. I apologize for my Mabari's behavior. As for Sandal, well …You weren't hurt were you?" She asked as she curtsied.

"Just my pride. I'll live."

"Your Highness." Said Bodahn. "It is so good to see you. You look well. And how do the others fare?

"The others are all as well as I am. Perhaps even better." Alistair replied, rubbing his rear, which was likely now to bear a nice purple bruise.

It suddenly occurred to Katelyn that the King of Fereldon was standing in her foyer! It also occurred to her that the King of Ferelden was a very good-looking man. She found herself beginning to sweat. Feeling uncharacteristically flustered and turning a rather fierce shade of pink, she began sputtering.

"My Lord, Highness, King. Please do come in. I seem to have forgotten my, my, my, manners. Let me bring you some tea or something and you can visit with Bodahn and Sandal." Katelyn said.

"I would love to catch up with Bodahn and Sandal, but I actually came here to see you Lady Hawke."

"And see her you shall Your Highness. We can catch up later." Bodahn piped in, bowing deeply, and slowly backing out of the foyer.

"Thanks. And Bodahn, it is just Alistair. Please." He called out.

"Of course Your Highness. Just like the old days right?"

"Right. Just with a lot less darkspawn though." Alistair smiled.

He turned to the beautiful woman before him. "And Lady Hawke, I am neither your Lord, your Highness, nor your King. Just call me Alistair." He said. His smile was warm and genuine as he continued. "Look, I didn't mean to create such a fuss, I came to Kirkwall to see an old friend, and I heard that your family was related to Erin Amell. I just wanted to meet you and see if I could learn something more about Erin and her past. I am so sorry if I have intruded."

Having been disarmed by Alistair's grace and warmth, Katelyn collected herself, and invited Alistair in.

"Yes of course. Please, come in. I would be happy to tell you what I know about Erin, but I don't remember much. My mother will be home soon. She remembers Erin well and I know she would be honored to share whatever she knows. Now, how about some tea while we wait for her? The tea comes with some cheese biscuits fresh from the oven" Katelyn said temptingly.

"Hmm well – I do love cheese so I can't very well refuse then can I?" Alistair said, following her into the spacious sitting room.

"Your home is beautiful. You did well for yourself here in Kirkwall I see. Tell me your story if you will." Alistair said settling into a beautifully upholstered wing chair or Orlesian silk.

Katelyn began to tell Alistair of their journey to Kirkwall. He was saddened to hear about her brother Carver who had fought at Ostagar had been killed by an Ogre and he was stunned to learn that she had encountered Flemeth on her travels. "So she lives still." Alistair said. "Ha, Morrigan will be annoyed."

Katelyn looked at him inquisitively. "Another time." Alistair said with a grin.

The more Katelyn talked, the more Alistair found himself mesmerized by her. Alistair had seen many beautiful women in his time, and of late, women were throwing themselves at him hoping to snag him, now that he was King. But none of these women captured his interest or his imagination. Alistair did not know what fascinated him more – the stories that Katelyn was telling of her experiences in Kirkwall or the woman herself.

His attraction to her had been immediate. She was strong and fierce, and soft and warm all at the same time. She seemed full of life and passion and humor. There was something about her that pulled at his heart.

Her story was intriguing. He wished he could see the section of the deep roads that she had explored, and he peppered her with questions about the Thaig. He was intrigued by the Dalish clan that was living nearby. He could not help but to ask questions about the Gallows, and did his best to act properly shocked, when she told him about Bethany being taken to the Circle.

Alistair was starting to find it a bit difficult to focus. Katelyn was enchanting. At one point, he realized that he wasn't really listening to her words so much as he was getting lost in her eyes, which were the most incredible shade of blue he had ever seen. He found himself getting lost watching her nervously twirling an errant strand of her hair, which was the color of rich, dark mahogany. He noticed how her hair shone with a silky softness and how it fell carelessly around her shoulders. He was getting lost in her full lips, flawless skin, and her graceful hands. He knew he was staring, ogling really. It took all his concentration to pull back. He felt as though he was probably making a total fool of himself, and so when Leandra Hawke entered the room, he was relieved.

After introductions, Katelyn excused herself. Alistair felt his heart sink a little. He thanked her profusely for her hospitality, and then she was gone.

He spent the remainder of the afternoon with Leandra. She was a lovely woman, and she kindly shared what she knew about Erin with him.

"She was my niece. A sweet young thing. Her mother died soon after she was born. My first cousin, Erin's father, raised her as best he could. We Amell's have always had magic in our family. My parents disowned me for marrying Malcolm - another mage tainting our blood line as far as they were concerned. Don't misunderstand my Lord, my parents were good, loving people, but they were ashamed and fearful of magic, like so many others." Leandra paused, and took a sip of her tea.

"At any rate, Erin was a sweet child, full of vim and vigor. We moved away from the farm they lived on, before my cousin learned that Erin had the gift, otherwise Malcolm would have trained her as he did Bethany. My cousin had seen what could happen to a mage untrained. Although it broke his heart, he brought Erin to the Circle. She was not yet 10. Her father died some years ago. He would have been so proud of Erin – a mage and the Hero of Ferelden!"

She listened to Alistair's tales of her heroics, and the pride she felt was evident. Leandra could see the love and caring Alistair felt for Erin, and it moved her deeply. Leandra insisted that Alistair stay as their guest for as long as he remained in Kirkwall. Alistair tried to politely decline, but Leandra was insistent, and was no match for Alistair. Truth be told he was grateful. There was something that just seemed right that he be there, with Erin's family. Besides, he rationalized, the mattresses had to be better than those at the Hanged Man. But mostly, he thought to himself as he retired to the room Leandra provided him, he wanted to see Katelyn again. And so, it was settled.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four – Finding Alistair**

Katelyn closed her eyes, and sunk deeper into the tub. Meeting Alistair had unsettled her. She felt an unmistakable attraction to him – an attraction that was more powerful than anything she had ever experienced before. It was a feeling that she had just stumbled upon her missing half.

She sighed wearily. Katelyn had never had any success with men, much to her mother's disappointment. Leandra wanted her daughter to settle down and marry – preferable to a nice, rich nobleman. Of course, living on the run for the most part of her life in Fereldon, didn't exactly help Katelyn meet many eligible suitors. And here in Kirkwall, now that she was settled, the men she met were boring, arrogant, ignorant, ugly, or simply looking for a pretty, dainty ornament to adorn their hearths. Katelyn hardly filled the bill.

Her thoughts turned to her companions. None of the men held her interest as a partner or lover. She adored Varric of course, but he was in love with Bianca, not her, she smiled to herself. And Sebastian, well he was a fine man, but he was in love with the Maker. She giggled to herself thinking about how hard Sebastian tries to be accepting of her, when clearly he thinks she is going straight to fire.

There was Anders… he was handsome and witty, and initially Katelyn had been quite taken with him. But he had become increasingly morose. His attitude towards Templars was so narrow and negative and his constant complaining and gloom and doom diatribes annoyed her more often than not. Katelyn believed Anders meant well – perhaps it was Justice that made it impossible for Anders to see anything but black and white. Katelyn could not fall in love with a man who hated.

And, thinking about men who hated, brought Fenris to mind. Fenris was an extraordinary man, who had known terrible pain in his life. Katelyn felt great empathy for him. But Fenris was bitter and angry and consumed with hatred towards mages. Too "broody", as Varric often teased him. Besides, Katelyn giggled to herself, Fenris was kind of scrawny and she needed a strong, muscular man like Alistair!

Katelyn laughed at her own silliness as she dried herself off. The fact was that for all Katelyn had accomplished, she felt very alone, and although marriage and children and happily ever after was never what she aspired to, to have a partner, to know the love and passion and joy she had seen with her parents, with Beth and Cullen – well that was something she wanted, and feared she would never have.

She was looking forward to hearing what her mother had to say about Alistair. No doubt her knickers would be in a knot. Imagine my mother entertaining a King and then not being able to tell anyone about it! Poor Mother! She thought to herself.

As she reached for her tunic and leggings, she had a change of heart. Tonight I will get "dressed for dinner", for Mother's sake. As much as Katelyn bristled at times at her mother's insistence on such these silly formalities, she was happy that at last her mother had found peace with her parents and that she had returned to the life that she had given up willingly for Malcolm, but a life that Katelyn knew she always missed nonetheless.

Katelyn decided she would please her mother, by wearing the new clothes Leandra had bought for her at the Hightown market, but which had been sitting in her closet for months now. Leandra had wanted to Katelyn to wear the outfit to a dinner party she had thrown for some neighbors, who just happened to have a son that Leandra thought would be a perfect match. Katelyn, much to her Mother's fury, declined the invitation, feigning a horrible headache.

Katelyn was anything but vain, but to be honest, she quite liked the outfit. It made her feel attractive, which was something she did not often feel. The white shirt, embroidered with blue and silver threads showcased her long neck, her smooth bare shoulders and her ample bosom. The calf length black skirt made of a soft flowing fabric that Katelyn didn't recognize highlighted her small waist and curvy hips. She chose a blue suede sash that matched the colors of the embroidery perfectly. Pulling on her heeled leather boots, she hurried down the stairs to the dining room. She was famished! As she entered the dining room, she came to a dead stop. There was Alistair. He immediately stood up and held her chair for her. Leandra was beaming.

"Oh!" Katelyn said. "Why thank you. You are still here I see." Cursing herself for that rather inane remark, she settled in and quickly grabbed her glass of wine. She glared at Leandra, who had had visions of wedding bells dancing in her head, Katelyn was sure. She felt embarrassed. What would Alistair think! She suddenly regretted her choice of clothes. She felt like a fool!

"Yes, still here. Your mother insisted. She can be very persuasive you know." Alistair said warmly.

Alistair thought his eyes might be popping out of his head, for Katelyn looked stunning.

"Yes, I know" Katelyn replied, rolling her eyes and smirking.

Over dinner, Alistair entertained the two with stories of Ferelden. He told them of the rebuilding of Ferelden and of the strength the survivors had shown. He shared what he knew about the people of Lothering. He feared the town would never be the same; the devastation of the Blight had been too great. And although many of the tales he told of Ferelden were sad, he also told tales filled with life and love and humor. Katelyn couldn't remember when she had laughed so hard.

It had been a delightful dinner and Alistair was sorry to see it come to an end. He thanked Leandra and Katelyn for their hospitality, and bid them good night.

Alone in his room, Alistair's head began to spin. He had come to Kirkwall to see Cullen. He had come to be alone. And now, he had met a woman of beauty and depth who intrigued him, and the last thing he wanted to be, was alone. What he wanted, was to get to know her. But to what end he wondered. He was King of Ferelden, not a man free to follow his fancies. And she was a woman who lived far away from Denerim and had a life of which he was not and could not be a part.

Restless, Alistair opened the doors to the small balcony off his room. Leaning back on the padded wicker chair, his legs propped up on the stone balcony balustrade overlooking the quiet Hightown street he reflected on the short time he had been in this strange city. Knowing that Cullen was doing well and was not as alone as Alistair had thought, was a huge relief. Seeing Bodahn and Sandal brought back memories some good, some painful, but it was immensely satisfying to know that they had landed on their feet, and even thrived despite the Blight. Learning more about Erin, being able to connect with perhaps her only remaining family members brought a sense of closure somehow. He still missed her terribly, but he could not help but feel that she would be happy to know about Cullen, and happy to know that her family was thriving.

As he drunk in the lovely stillness of the night, he heard the sound of paws before he actually felt the wet tongue of the Mabari, licking his hand. Whimpering softly, Alistair knew what the magnificent beast wanted.

"All right girl. Let's go. Do you need a leash?" Alistair asked in his best doggie voice.

"No." came the voice from the balcony beside his. "But you best take a weapon. Even the streets in Hightown are not without thugs and hooligans who would try to rob you."

" I thought the Mabari would be my weapon."

She laughed. "Roxie is a good weapon, true. But not against the numbers you may come across." Katelyn said.

" Then I will take my sword, and I will take you, if you would do me the honor." Alistair said.

"Yes, I think I would like that." came the reply.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five – Finding Love**

It wasn't long into their evening stroll before some thugs decided they had found some easy prey, just as Katelyn had warned. Seemingly out of nowhere, a dozen men and women swarmed them, demanding gold. Alistair waived his sword menacingly, Roxie bared her teeth, and Katelyn daggers were dancing perilously close to the nose of one of the thugs.

"Are you sure you want our gold?" Alistair asked, feeling, as much as hearing, an errant arrow fly by his ear.

"I think they do Alistair." Katelyn said. "I say, let's give it to them!"

The battle began. Alistair easily dispatched the two thugs that had lunged at him. As he moved to down the next wave, Alistair felt his stomach knot in fear. It suddenly occurred to him, that he did not exactly how skilled Katelyn was. He tried to find her out of the corner of his eye, almost getting nicked by one of the bandits, as he lost concentration. He renewed his efforts and easily put the men down. He was still strong and fast, despite not having much need to take up his sword these past few years.

He tuned to catch a glimpse of Katelyn. He laughed. He need not have felt worried. She danced and whirled with speed and grace. Skilled and deadly.

"Is there nothing about you that does not impress?" He called to her.

"What?" Katelyn asked with a huge smile. She had heard him clearly.

Embarrassed Alistair muttered something, she could not quite make out.

The city guard arrived, rounded up the thugs who had turned to run and took the six or seven, who, injured and bleeding, had not managed to escape, to the city jail.

"You are skilled with your blades, my lady. It is an honor to fight alongside you." Alistair said bowing.

"And you too my Lord, you fight well Alistair. The stories about you were true then." Katelyn said, dusting herself off as they resumed their evening stroll.

"Stories?"

"Yes, even as we were leaving Ferelden, stories of the two remaining Grey Wardens were floating around. You and Erin helped many people. You were heroes to them. And Bodahn has regaled us about you and Erin and the others who defeated the Blight. It was said that your skills with sword and shield were mighty."

Alistair grew silent. "I don't know what to say. It didn't seem much at the time. All of us were too scared to do anything else but fight and try to get a force together to defeat Loghain and the archdemon. As for any skill I may have, it is thanks to Duncan, my teacher, my mentor, my friend." The sadness in his voice rang loud and clear.

Katelyn touched Alistair on the shoulder. "I am sorry. Painful memories?"

"Don't be sorry. Painful, yes. Were that I the only one to have them. But we have all suffered such huge losses. It is good to remember those to whom we owe our lives. It is what keeps me going some days." Alistair said smiling weakly.

They walked in silence for a while, each lost in their memories. Katelyn showed him the Chantry and the Viscount Keep, and pointed out the Blooming Rose of course, a less than savory, but very colorful Hightown landmark.

"So, you came to Kirkwall to see Cullen. Am I right?" Katelyn asked, remembering one of her first encounters with Cullen which had led her to a visit to the Rose, on his behalf.

"You figured that out did you?" Alistair chuckled.

"I am pretty smart.' She said smiling. "You can trust me Alistair. If there is a way that I can help, please know that I will. Alistair."

They sat down on a bench near the stairs that exited Hightown.

Alistair, Kirkwall is a cesspool of corruption and ambition. I know of no other way to describe it. That something will erupt between the Mages and the Templars is inevitable. I have come to love this city, almost as much as I love Ferelden. But it is wounded and broken." She said with strong emotion in her voice.

"It is clear to me that Cullen is a man who tempers his beliefs and passion with reason. He holds my sister's life in his hands, and he treats that responsibility with care and great respect, and love. We all want to make a difference. Know that I will continue to support him as best I can", She paused.

" But right now, the biggest threat are the Qunari, and those in the Chantry who are zealots and cowards. If we can get through that mess, well, perhaps there is hope."

With a deep breath, Alistair told her the truth about Cullen and why he was in Kirkwall. Katelyn was impressed and excited by Alistair's plans to try to change the Circle in Ferelden.

"But we still do not have much support. Even though Erin, a mage, saved us all from certain death, there is still much resistance! How do you change the hearts and minds of so many? Like Cullen, sometimes I feel as though I am a single grain of sand trying to change the course of the tides. It's good to know that we have allies here. Perhaps one day…"

It was very late, past midnight. They reluctantly started walking back to the Hawke estate, Roxie bounding happily along side. Neither Alistair nor Katelyn was ready for the night to end.

"Will you take me to Sundermount?" Alistair asked suddenly. "I would love to see the Dalish, to tell them about the new lands in Fereldon and bring greetings from the Dalish clan I know."

"Sundermount? Alistair, it will take all night to get there!" She said, unable to hide her smile.

"Yes, I know" He said with a wicked grin.

Somewhere between the edge of the city and the grassy path leading to the Dalish camp, their hands found one another. Their serious talk had given way to flirting and giggling. She made him laugh. Her wit was as dry as his. Alistair's heart soared. Her touch was electric to him. He was bewildered and excited and embarrassed all at the same time. How could the joining of hands, such a simple act, mean so much? Does she feel it too, he wondered.

Indeed, she felt it too. She wasn't sure when he took her hand or when she gave it to him. It didn't matter. His hand was warm and soft and holding it, made her feel giddy and vulnerable and safe and joyful and she knew that she never wanted to let it go.

Still holding hands, they were greeted, as warmly as one might expect from the ever leery Dalish, and sent to see Marithari. As they approached the wizen old woman, her gaze shifted from their hands to their face, and she nodded. It was as she anticipated.

She greeted Hawke warmly and then turned to Alistair,

"I know you young man. You are a friend to the Dalish. You are welcome here King Alistair."

Nothing about the Dalish surprised him. That she knew him was not unexpected.

"I am a friend of Keeper Lanaya, and I know she would wish me to extend her greetings to you." Alistair said.

"Come children. Let us eat together and share our stories. Then perhaps you will rest."

They had been up all night and were exhausted and hungry. They tore into the delicious food prepared for them, and thanked the keeper for her hospitality.

"Please, feel free to rest in the aravel and take your leave when you are ready. I thank-you Alistair for what you have done for my people, and you as well Hawke. Your union will be fortuitous" The keeper said smiling, and then turned a walked away.

Inside the caravel, Alistair wondered what the Keeper had meant.

"Our union? Are we getting married?" Alistair asked Katelyn laughing, as he pulled off his leather coat and lay down on the soft blankets.

"Well, it would make Mother happy!" Katelyn giggled, as she lay down beside him.

They lay there, side by side, staring up at the beautifully painted ceiling of the aravel.

"Your mother happy but not you?" Alistair asked "You do not wish to marry one day? Is there no one special in your life?"

"No, there is no one special. Marriage? I don't know Alistair. I am not sure that I am marriage material. Most men I have met seem to prefer some one more demure, shall we say. I don't think they like me much. But, I admit sometimes I feel a little sorry for myself. Sometimes I just want to be weak and taken care of… silly isn't it?" She said.

"Not silly at all. You are a strong woman Kate. You've taken care of so many. Maybe it is time to be taken care of – just a little? Alistair reached over and took her hand and absently played with her fingers.

"Perhaps." she said. "But what about yourself? Why aren't you married? Surly they are calling for a Queen and for an heir in Ferelden." Katelyn replied.

"Yes. They are calling for it. Eamon and Teagan remind me of that every day. Alistair, you must do your duty!" He chuckled. "I have woman falling over their feet to please me. Some are pretty, some are clever, some are both, and some are just plain silly and foolish. And if you knew me before I was King, the irony of having woman lined up to court me would not be lost on you. But the truth is, I take marriage seriously. I, I, want to be in love with the woman I marry." He said quietly.

"Marriage for me is forever. It is about having a partner. A friend, a lover…not just a pretty face who will warm my bed… I am sorry. I am whining aren't I?" He said with a smile.

She rolled over, head leaning on her elbow, her fingers twirling her errant strands of silken hair, and looked at him. He was getting lost in her eyes again.

"You're not whining Alistair. It is good to hear you say those things." Her heart was fluttering. "Well, I suppose we should get some rest. If we leave in a few hours, we shall be home in time for dinner. Mother must be wondering what became of us"

She closed her eyes, and within minutes, she was sleeping. Alistair lay awake awhile longer. He had known Katelyn for a little over a day and as crazy as it seemed he was falling in love. Part of him wanted to dance and sing, and part of him wanted to weep. For he was falling for a woman he wasn't sure he could have, a woman who may not want to have him.

Several hours later, they awoke. Somehow while they were sleeping, their bodies had found one another. Katelyn's leg was draped over his, and his over hers. Her head had found a pillow in his shoulder and her arm lay across his chest. His arms were cradling her.

Katelyn opened her eyes and was mortified. She was sure Alistair could feel the heat from her reddened cheeks against his jerkin.

"Good morning. It is still morning isn't it?" he said softly.

"I think so" she replied.

They stayed there, unmoving.

"I… I don't know how this happened. I am so sorry." Katelyn said.

"I am not sorry. I am warm and cozy and that was the best sleep I have had in years!" said Alistair.

She wanted to say more, she wanted to touch his cheek, she wanted to kiss him. She didn't know why these feelings were rushing inside her.

"I guess we should get up." Alistair said wistfully.

"I guess so." Katelyn replied.

Neither moved, and neither said what they were both feeling. Finally, with great reluctance, Katelyn moved to rise. And Alistair, with equal reluctance released her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six – Finding Life**

The hike back to Kirkwall was quiet, for the most part. Alistair would be leaving. Katelyn was chastising herself, for starting to fall in love with a man she had known for a few hours, and a man that would likely never see again. "Fool!" she thought.

About half way back, they rested up near a clear blue stream and munched on the dried fruit and bread Marithari had given them for the trip home. Roxie took the opportunity to take a swim in the stream.

Alistair grabbed a twig and through it out to Roxie, who gleefully bounded off to catch it. He sat down under a very old and large oak tree, and watched the dog chew on the twig. Katelyn found herself staring at him. His thick blond hair was falling over his face, and his beautiful but sad green eyes were staring straight ahead. His beard was light and soft looking and his lips were full and very kissable. He was tall and strong and muscled. He was perfect in every way. Charming, smart, strong, honorable, passionate, and very, very handsome. Maker, did he have to be so handsome? I wonder if he thinks I am pretty. Stop it fool.

At last they reached the city, Alistair felt the tension and anxiety that had quietly been plaguing him the entire trip back, begin to build to a point that he thought he might explode. As they entered Hightown and approached the Hawke estate, something broke inside him. He could not let her go. He stopped mid stride and watched her walk a few steps ahead of him.

"Katelyn" he called. She turned around. He spied a quiet, secluded alcove off the main street, and motioned her to follow. Alone, and out of view, he placed his hands on her shoulders and searched her face.

"Look, in a few minutes I am going to walk into your house. I am going to pack my bag, wash up and change my clothes, and say good bye to your mother." Alistair started.

"Maybe I have no right to say this. Maybe I am out of line. But meeting you has been… wonderful. I think you are an incredible woman. And in the short time I have spent with you, I have felt… full and at peace, if that makes any sense. And I like the feeling. I don't want to lose it. I don't want to say goodbye to you Kate."

He ran his hands through his hair struggling to find the words. Katelyn felt her eyes begin to fill. She reached up and touched his face, gazing into his beautiful green eyes.

"Alistair... I …" She put her arms around his neck, gently pulled him towards her, and brought her lips to his. She was shaking, her knees felt like jelly. But his kiss was soft and gentle and slow and wonderful. Their lips parted slowly, still so close that they shared the same breath. Alistair wrapped his arms around her, her head tucked neatly under his chin. He caressed her soft hair, inhaling the faints scent of lemons and vanilla that surrounded her.

"Will you come back then?" She asked her voice was thin and fearful.

"Yes" Alistair said, "if you will have me"

She smiled. "Oh I will have you Alistair." She said with certainty. "With pleasure."

He laughed. "I can assure you my lady, the pleasure will be mine." And then his tone turned serious and he whispered "Thank-you".

And he kissed her. With passion and ardor and with his strong hands caressing her face and neck. Katelyn though she might faint.

He was gone. She didn't know what would come of this relationship. All she knew was that she could love and be loved, and that thinking of Alistair made her happy and hopeful. And the pain of missing him was a beautiful pain, for although she was alone, she was no longer lonely.

~XXX~

Alistair got word of Leandra's death more quickly than one would have expected, thanks to Cullen's use of their network. Much to Teagan's delight, Alistair was off to Kirkwall again. Whatever happened in Kirkwall a few months ago was obviously good for Alistair, for Teagan had never seen Alistair happier and more settled. He suspected a woman, and hoped that maybe Alistair had found his future wife. The people of Ferelden were getting impatient, and the nobles pestered Teagan daily about which one of their beautiful daughters Alistair was going to wed. It was driving him mad.

"I'll be gone for several weeks. While I am there, worry not Teagan. There is some Grey Warden business that I must take care of with Stroud and, I will check in again with Cullen." Alistair said.

"And where will you be staying Alistair, just in case we need the King of Ferelden's input into Ferelden's affairs of state!"

Alistair glared at Teagan. "I will be at the home of Lady Katelyn Hawke. Happy now?"

Teagan smirked. "Yes, very."

The trip to Kirkwall was taking far too long. Alistair's heart ached with worry for Katelyn. He wanted to be there to comfort her. It had been two weeks since her mother had been murdered by some madman. When he arrived at the estate, Bodahn let him in and hushed tones, pointed Alistair to the direction of her room.

"I think she will be better, now that you are here my Lord. She seemed to be handling it well, all things considered. But the last two days… my Lord I don't think she has left her room." He said worriedly.

Alistair bounded up the stairs, and knocked on the door. There was no answer. He entered unbidden. Katelyn was sleeping. He sat on the edge of the bed, and found her hand, she murmured slightly. Suddenly Alistair began to panic. Perhaps he shouldn't be here. Perhaps her feelings had changed. Perhaps he had overstepped his bounds; maybe she wanted to be left alone. Maybe he should leave.

But before he could extricate himself, she opened her eyes, and seeing Alistair, she threw her arms around his neck and held him tightly. He could feel her tears against his shirt. He could feel her body convulse as she sobbed. She was thinner, and her beautiful hair was damp and matted.

"Katie. I am so sorry. I got here as fast as I could."

She nuzzled closer to him and he kissed her on top of her head, stroking her hair and telling her it would be all right.

"Thank you." She whispered. 'I am fine. Really. I just suddenly got so tired Alistair. And then yesterday, no maybe the day before, I just broke. I shouldn't have been so weak."

He was wiping away her tears. "Don't be afraid to be weak. We are all weak sometimes. And in a strange way, it makes us stronger. When Erin died, I took to my bed for three days. I was a mess. Now, let's get you cleaned up and dressed, and then we are going to have cheese and sausages! "

She grinned weakly. Alistair took off his leather coat, and to Katelyn's surprise, he pulled off his shirt. He began to pour hot water from the fire into the glazed stone tub. She stared at his strong chest and arms as he worked and felt herself getting aroused. He opened a small green bottle that he found near the tub, and smelled a fragrant aroma of vanilla and lemon. He smiled to himself as he poured the liquid into the water.

When he was satisfied there was enough hot water. He walked to her bed. Katelyn was sitting up cross legged. Staring into beautiful eyes, he reached over and began to pull off her nightgown. She felt herself blush. Eyes still locked he stood up and pulled off his britches. With great tenderness and reverence he took her hand and walked with her to the tub. He helped her in. She submerged herself in the hot soapy water, and then slid up. Knelling behind her, he began washing her hair, massaging her scalp and neck and shoulders. She felt herself relaxing. She felt her emptiness begin to recede.

He got into the tub, and kneeling before her, took the soapy sponge, gently washing and massaging her neck and shoulders, her arms and her legs. He caressed her feet and her toes. His hands found her breasts, and then his lips found hers. She was so aroused, she could barely stand it. She caressed his chest, his back his arms, his legs, his groin. He brought his lips to her breasts rolling his tongue and gently nibbling her dark and erect nipples. As she moaned his hand found their way between her legs. Her touch and her moans excited him and he felt himself grow hard and ready. With his hands between her legs, and his fingers deftly rubbing her, she moved to kiss him deeply, their tongues thrusting and exploring. She kissed his hard chiseled chest, his neck, and caressed his legs. Finally as his groans and breathing began to increase, she reached for him, her hand moving up and down his length in perfect synchronicity with his fingers that were moving in and out deep inside her. Together, they came, exploded. Gasping. All tension released as one.

With the water getting cold, Alistair got up and ran to the bed for a blanket. He held her hand as she got out of the tub. Her body was beautiful and he was in awe. He wrapped the blanket around them both, pulled her damp naked body to rest against his. She looked up and they kissed. Then Alistair whispered in her ear."Feel life again my love. Feel life."

It was a moment of intimacy and passion like she had never experienced before.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven - Finding Hope**

Alistair and Katelyn sat in the kitchen eating sausages and cheese. Orana was hovering over Hawke, serving her eggs and pouring juice as well. She had been worried about Katelyn, and like Bodahn and Sandal, was relieved to see her finally come out of her room. Pleased to finally see her smile again.

Alistair stayed with her for one glorious week, before he was called back to Ferelden. Katelyn, still hurting from her mother death, felt her strength and resolve return a little every day. That she had allowed herself to be totally vulnerable to Alistair opened a door in her heart that she did not even know existed. It was as though her capacity to love was deeper, richer now.

During the day, they dared not go out together. Although it was doubtful that Alistair would be recognized, there was a risk. It was not prudent for Katelyn to be seen aligned with the King of Ferelden, at least not yet. Ferelden's weren't exactly loved in Kirkwall. It would be political suicide, and if she was to accomplish what she wanted, politics was a game she had to play.

"I hate politics." Alistair said "But I have learned to pay attention to them. I sometimes just hold my nose and do what I must, trying to focus on the outcome and not the stinky process. Eamon and Teagan are far more adept at it than I"

At night, the two would take Roxie for a walk or a run. They ventured to Lowtown and to the docks, cleaning up any slaver or thief that dared to disturb their peace. Alistair's respect and admiration for Katelyn grew stronger, as did his love.

Cullen came to see them. He now had a true ally outside the Gallows and for that he was grateful. Cullen immediately saw the change in Alistair. Templar, talented ones, tended to be extraordinarily astute when it comes to reading people. Their very lives depended on it sometimes. But even a blind man could see and feel the love that had erupted between these two. The silly grin that Cullen wore all afternoon, told both Katelyn and Alistair that their secret was out.

They lay together in bed, naked bodies entwined. She was intoxicating to Alistair. And the joy he felt, waking up in the morning with Katelyn in his arms was beyond words. All Alistair knew was that he wanted to wake up in her arms forever.

Making love to her was excruciatingly delicious. Sensual, erotic. He could not get enough of her.

"Where did you learn how to do those things?" Katelyn asked. "I mean, before you, well I had hardly ever…I am not exactly experienced in love making. But Alistair the things you do... I want to be able to return the favor." There was shyness in her voice, and perhaps a little anxiety too.

Alistair burst out laughing. "Oh, you return the favor all right, no worries there. And if you are wondering, there was only one before you. I had fully intended to remain a virgin until I married, but with the Blight and with knowing I could die the next minute, hour, day... I decided, I, we wanted to see what all the fuss was about." There was a touch of sadness in his voice.

"Erin?" she asked

"Yes. I did love her Katie."

"I know you did Alistair." She said as she cuddled closer. "My first was pretty awful. But I was young then. After a few other attempts later on, I couldn't figure out what the fuss as you called it, was about. I thought there was something wrong with me. Or that maybe the whole making love thing was a myth. Now I know better." Katelyn said with a smile.

"Well, I have a friend who considers himself quite the expert in lovemaking. Not with me of course," Alistair added quickly. "He never failed to find an opportunity to provide me with unsolicited information and advice about love making. I hated it then, but perhaps I should thank him?"

"Yes, Alistair – you should thank him."

And they made love again.

Alistair pulled himself away from the gorgeous woman beside him. He got up and dressed, sat in the soft leather chair and watched her sleep. When Katelyn's eyes opened she smiled at the beautiful man staring at her.

"It's time Katie" She loved when Alistair called her that.

"I know" she sighed.

"Katie, I love you. I want to be with you always. "Alistair said his voice soft and warm.

He got up and knelt down on one knee beside the bed. "Will you take this ring? Will you marry me Katelyn? Not now, I know you can't now...but one day? One day soon?"

He had removed his royal ring and placed it on a beautiful chain of white gold.

"Yes." was all she could say through her tears.

He placed the chain around her neck and kissed her.

"I love you Alistair and I will come to Ferelden and I will marry you. As soon as I can."

They giggled as each wiped away one another's tears.

~XXX~

Teagan was ecstatic. Alistair had always held a soft spot for him. When Alistair returned from Kirkwall, he returned a different man. Or perhaps he returned as the same man Teagan had once known. The barbs and quips were flying out of his mouth faster than he could count. The self-effacing charm, the warmth and compassion that somehow became muted after Erin's death, shone through. Alistair was in love. And more than that, given that Alistair's ring had mysteriously "disappeared" as Alistair had tried unsuccessfully to explain, perhaps Alistair was getting married!

When the news of the Qunari invasion hit. Alistair was beside himself with worry. A missive from Stroud re-assured him somewhat, for he reported that he had seen Hawke doing battle on the streets, trying to reach the Viscounts Keep. But without further word, Alistair became frantic, uncharacteristically barking our orders to his men, pacing the halls of the palace, and twirling pieces of errant hair (a habit he had picked up since returning from Kirkwall). And then word from Cullen.

Teagan brought him the missive, Cullen's seal intact. With shaking hands, Alistair opened it. If anything had happened to Katie, Alistair knew he would not be able to bear it.

Teagan watched Alistair's face as he read the missive. The seconds felt like hours. And then a huge grin spread over Alistair's face, and Teagan could breath.

"Well" Alistair said full of pride. "It would seem the Qunari problem is solved. And it would seem I have a very powerful ally in Kirkwall. In fact, she is the Champion."

Alistair ran to his rooms and began to pack his bag. Teagan followed.

"You can't leave again. Alistair." Teagan said his frustration evident. His voice softened. "Alistair, I am your regent, your uncle, and your friend. You cannot leave. You have a duty to the throne, to Ferelden. "

"Maker knows I understand duty Teagan. But tell me, what business do I have here in Denerim that you cannot handle in my absence? Alistair said angrily.

"It is not your business here that is a concern. It is Amaranthine. Have you forgotten? Nathaniel waits for you at Vigil's Keep Alistair."

"Of course. I, I wasn't thinking Teagan, forgive me."

"You are in love Alistair. There is nothing to forgive. "Teagan said.1`

Alistair's disappointment was palatable. With Teagan gone, Alistair went to his desk and pulled out a sheet of parchment and hastily wrote a note to Katelyn:

_My Love,_

_The joy of knowing that you are safe is only outweighed by the pride I feel in what you have accomplished. You are Kirkwall's Champion, and you are my champion too. I will be in Amaranthine and then will come to you. I miss you terribly. I love you._

_A_

_~XXX~_

By the time the letter arrived at the Hawke estate, Katelyn was gone. The Champion of Kirkwall decided she had earned a holiday, and by all accounts, Denerim was lovely in the springtime! She missed Alistair, and desperately wanted to feel his arms around her. The boat docked in Amaranthine, and before heading south to Denerim, Katelyn decided that a rest in a nice inn and some shopping was in order. She had commissioned a merchant in Kirkwall to fashion a hawk out of silver, as a gift for Alistair. The craftsman had, at Katelyn insistence, placed a sapphire chip as the eye of the hawk. Alistair always said her eyes were the color of sapphires. Katelyn had been unable to find a chain that she thought suited Alistair in Kirkwall, and so after finding a room at the Crown and Lion, she wandered the streets of the busy port city.

The city had barely survived an attack several years ago by darkspawn. The tale Alistair had told her about the Mother and the Architect, still sent shivers up her spine. She wondered if she could stop to see Vigil's Keep on her way to Denerim. After all, Alistair himself was a Grey Warden and so was Erin, not to mention Anders. A monument had been built to the Hero of Ferelden there, and Katelyn wanted to pay homage.

It was strange being back on Ferelden soil. Despite the vestiges of the Blight, there was a peace and certainty in the air

As she browsed the wares of the many merchants lining the dusty streets, she found the perfect chain for Alistair. It was a thick braided chain of silver and it would look perfect with the hawk charm. As she stood in the front of the market stall, she could not help but overhear the excited whisperings of two rather beautiful women waiting to make their purchase.

"He is here I tell you Larissa! Rumor says he is at the Crown and Lion. "

"That's ridiculous Maria. It is business as usual over there and surely if the King of Ferelden were staying there, they would have closed it up, for security and privacy."

"I hear there is a set of secret rooms in the back, built way back when the new warden commander broke up that smuggling ring." Maria said conspiratorially.

"Well, he was at the Keep recently, so the stories go. I suppose it is possible. People say he sneaks off to Kirkwall every now and again. He could be here." Larissa conceded.

Katelyn was thoroughly enjoying the conversation, and although she doubted Alistair was in Amaranthine, staying in a "secret room" at the very inn at which she was staying. "It would be amusing to check it out when I return to the inn" Katelyn thought to herself, with a smile. "And, after all I am rather good with traps and locks!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 – Finding Peace**

Alistair was too excited by the prospect of his voyage to Kirkwall to get annoyed with Teagan for his silly arrangements for his overnight stay in Amaranthine. He could have easily and quietly stay with Nathaniel's sister house in Amaranthine, and not is some hidden room at the inn.

His time at the Keep had been worthwhile. Nathaniel was now the Warden Commander. It was clear that his father's depravity, had not been passed on, for there was no finer nor more loyal man. Even Fergus, who lost so much at the hand of Rendon Howe had given back Nathaniel all of the Howe lands, not bequeathed to the Wardens. And more importantly, he recently gave his blessing to Nathaniel to marry his younger sister, Leah Cousland. Leah had managed to escape Howe's attack, thanks to Ser Gilmore. Somehow she found Nathaniel, and somehow they found themselves falling madly in love. The world had certainly been turned upside down in the years since the Blight. Enemies becoming lovers.

Alistair, dressed in a long course cotton shirt and rough weather beaten breeches and boots, lifted the trap door and descended into a long tunnel which led from the outskirts of Amaranthine to a storage room at the inn. With a turn of a hidden latch, Alistair entered his rooms. He saw his traveling bag neatly placed by stone fireplace in the sitting room. He took off the silly hat he had been given and was pleasantly surprised to see a bottle of fine wine and a plate of lovely cheeses, breads and crackers, set out on the low table in front of the settee. He removed his boots and his shirt, and sitting down in front of the fire; he poured himself a glass of wine, and hungrily tore into the cheese. Perhaps Teagan was right after all, he thought sighing contentedly.

His feast was interrupted by a sound coming from the bed room.

"Shit" he thought to himself as he reached for his dagger. He got up silently, and inched towards the bedroom. Alert and tense, he gently pushed the door, which had been a jar, a bit wider. It was dark, but there was enough light coming in from the fire, to enable him to see a body under the covers in the bed.

Another admirer. It was not the first time that a beautiful woman waited for him, hoping to seduce him, hoping he would father a child. With a heavy sigh Alistair spoke.

"Please Miss. I do not share my bed with anyone save my love. And she is not here, much to my regret. Please, dress yourself and I will see that you get safely home."

Alistair turned his back and started to leave. A slight noise of feet on floor and then he felt soft hands from behind touch his back and move towards his groin. One hand began fondling his groin, while the other moved upwards massaging his chiseled hard chest.

Alistair stood motionless, shaking his head.

"Please miss. Don't do this. I don't want to hurt you. I am not interested. I am sure you are a lovely woman, but again I am not interested."

"Oh, but I think you are interested." Came a warm, sultry voice. She continued to massage him, working at the leather straps of his breeches, fondling him, teasing him, kissing his back. He felt her hard nipples up against him.

Alistair began to groan. "But I am betrothed," he whispered. He could feel himself get hard.

"She won't mind…" said the voice.

"hmm I guess she won't …." He said. He removed her hand gently and turned around. He reached down to her beautiful face and held it in his hands, and he kissed her deeply.

"Will you tell her? she asked

"I think she knows." he said as he hungrily began kissing her breast.

She moaned.

He picked up the naked woman, and lay her on the bed. They caressed and kissed deeply. He could not get enough of her loveliness. And when he felt her readiness he made love to the beautiful woman, slowly, deeply, passionately.

~XXX~

She sat on the settee in front of the fire, curled up against him. "Do strange women really sneak into your bed?" Katelyn asked.

"It has happened. But I haven't indulged, until you of course. You are the champion you know. You deserve special treatment!" He smiled.

She giggled.

"I love the hawk. It is perfect." said Alistair." Alistair said, touching the exquisite charm around his neck. "But I need something more from you," his tone suddenly serious. "Marry me."

"I have already said yes, Alistair." Katelyn replied, snuggling closer.

"No, I mean now, marry me now. Today. Damn it all Katie. I can't wait until the mess in Kirkwall is resolved. It may never be resolved. You are my friend, you are my lover. I want you as my wife. Even if the world can't know yet, I want to know. I want you to know that I am yours – no matter what."

"Then I will say yes again." Katelyn said.

Alistair had always hated camping. Indeed he almost always told anyone who would listen that the hardest thing about fighting the blight was not the darkspawn, the ogres, or the archdemon. It was the camping. But after three days of laughter and joy, of making love and sharing stories with Katelyn Alistair decided that camping was the best thing that life had to offer. They made their way northwest towards Highever, and found a small isolated chantry along the way. The young Mother was suspicious of the couple, especially of the man, who looked remarkably like his namesake, King Alistair. Despite her misgivings, she married them – they were so clearly in love. Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head when she saw the ring that Alistair placed on Katelyn's finger. A band of gold studded with diamonds and sapphires. She choked when they signed the marriage registry as Alistair Theirin and Katelyn Hawke, for before her she realized, stood the King and Queen of Ferelden. A sizable donation to the chantry, and a promise that she would officiate at the official ceremony, cleared the way for the Mother's silence.

~XXX~

"He will not be happy that he wasn't the first to know." Fergus chuckled as he swirled the deep golden Antivan brandy in his cup before draining the last of it.

"I know." Alistair replied smiling. "But it could not be helped. Teagan will get over it. Besides, I doubt he would have approved of an elopement!"

"She is … remarkable." Fergus said. "I am happy for you Alistair. After all you have been through, I know of no other who deserves peace and happiness more than you."

"I can think of at least one other Fergus…" he said trailing off. "Thank you Fergus. That means a lot to me. And I do feel as though I am the luckiest man in all of Thedas right now." Katelyn had left that morning, and already Alistair was missing her.

Alistair spent several weeks in the north, surveying the rebuilding that had taken place there since the Blight. He firmly believed that being close to the collective heartbeat of Ferelden's, by listening and by being accessible he could be a better ruler. Since Katelyn had graced him with her love, and had filled him up with hope and joy, he had rediscovered his passion and his drive. Popular already, his enthusiasm was contagious. He was greeted warmly by all.

When he finally made his way back to Denerim, Alistair was pleasantly surprised by Teagan's mildly enthusiastic reaction to his elopement. He felt sure Teagan's response was tempered in part by the wonderful reviews that had reached him about Alistair's successes in the north. And in part, Teagan's acceptance was due to his very real fears that what was happening in Kirkwall would soon put both Katelyn and Cullen at risk. In fact, Teagan was so alarmed at the information he arranged for both himself and Alistair to go to Kirkwall and meet with Knight Commander Meredith, who in the absence of a Viscount, seemed to be in charge.

The voyage to Kirkwall seemed to take forever. And although he was excited to see his wife, he was anxious. A free-floating feeling of dread had taken over him, and he could not shake it. Bodahn greeted Teagan and Alistair at the quay. As warm and cordial as ever, Bodahn was far from his jovial self, causing Alistair's stomach, already in knots, to clench tighter. That Katelyn was off in Sundermount and would not be back until later that evening, did little to alleviate his stress.

His meeting with Meredith had been a colossal failure.

Cullen, Teagan, and Katelyn sat around her dining room table. Their post mortem analysis did little to generate any feelings of hope.

"She is a cold ass bitch." Alistair said. "And that doesn't even begin to describe her. Morrigan is a saint compared to her!"

More conversation and another bottle of wine did little to lift Alistair's spirits. Cullen excused himself and bid farewell to Alistair and Teagan.

"And I shall retire too." Said Teagan. "Katelyn, or should I call her Your Highness? It has been a pleasure to meet you. You are everything Alistair said you were, and more. I am sorry we could not meet under happier circumstances. See what you can do to cheer up this husband of yours!"

"With pleasure Teagan. Good night." Katelyn replied, smiling warmly.

"Come to bed love. " She said as she messaged his shoulders. "We have so little time…"

"I know Katie. I am just worried for you, and immensely disappointed that I was unable to move Meredith."

"Have you no faith in me then?" A touch of anger tinged with sadness in her voice.

"Of course not! Katelyn I did not mean that. I love you so much. The thought of something…"

"Hush. Alistair, you cannot fix everything. You see the support I have here. I will get through this Alistair. WE will get through this. Now come to bed and make love to me. I have waited for your touch long enough." Katelyn commanded.

"Ooo – I like it when you are bossy. Very well. One more piece of cheese and I will fulfill my husbandly duties to you." Alistair said with a wide grin. Katelyn just rolled her eyes.

After they made love for the second time, Katelyn, snuggled in his strong arms murmured softly

"There is nothing better in the entire world Alistair, than falling asleep in your arms."

"Ah, but that is where you are wrong my love. There is one thing better." he said hugging her tightly.

"Oh really? And that is…" Katelyn asked.

"Waking up in yours."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine – Finding the Future**

Alistair's inability to make any progress in Kirkwall with the Knight Commander, was mitigated only by another blissful week with Katelyn and the knowledge that the group of friends she surrounded herself with, along with Cullen, provided her with as much additional protection as he could hope for. For that, Alistair was very grateful. He knew that the chaos in Kirkwall could not last much longer. Each visit he made became more precious than the one before.

'Come." Alistair called out in response to the knock on his study door. It was Teagan and he was pale and shaking.

"Teagan? What is it? Is it Eamon? Is he not well?" Alistair asked with deep concern as he rose from his chair.

Teagan shook his head.

"No. Alistair. Eamon is fine." He paused. "Alistair. Kirkwall's Grand Cleric is dead. Murdered by the Mage Anders. The city is in chaos as we speak. No word on Katelyn or Cullen."

Alistair slowly sat back down, his face white and twisted in anguish.

"Maker protect them all." Alistair said softly. "I can only pray that the plans that were set in motion by Katie and Cullen during my last visit have taken flight."

Damn, stupid Anders! According to Nathaniel, he had been a fine man until he took it upon himself to let Justice take over him. He prayed to the Maker that Katelyn was safe. He prayed that Cullen and Bethany, and all of Katelyn's stalwart companions would somehow come out of the conflagration, alive and well.

~XXX~

Cullen held his son's hand as they climbed up the stairs to his nursery. Kaden was a little over two years old and still no sign that magic was in his blood. Cullen didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed. Bethany and Cullen visited him at every opportunity and were grateful for the care that Katelyn provided him.

"I long for the time when we do not have to leave him." Cullen said smiling, as Bethany entered the nursery.

"As do I love." Bethany said sighing deeply. "But I fear what is to come next. "

They kissed the now sleeping boy and went downstairs to join Katelyn.

"I do not believe there is anything further we can do now." Katelyn started. "Bethany – all the mages who have managed to stay strong, despite Orsino, are ready?"

"Yes. I have shown them the passageway to the estate. There is only one mage who neither Cullen nor I can be certain of, so he will have to be watched closely. Keran is aware. Do you know yet who Alistair has sent to bring them to Ferelden?"

"No. All Alistair said was that Bodahn would know him. When they arrive here Bodahn will know what to do." Katelyn said.

"So that's it then." said Cullen. "We best get back. Meredith is readying the Templars and will no doubt be wondering where I am. And I have no doubt Orsino is scouring the Gallows trying to find you Bethany. Maker protect us all." Cullen said.

As Katelyn made her way to Lowtown, a thousand thoughts rattled in her head. She kept seeing Anders. Dead by her hand, lying in a pool of blood. Anders was saved from the imprisonment that had so defined his life. The irony, that it was Anders, more than any Templar, had imprisoned himself, was not lost on Katelyn. However misguided and twisted his reasoning, the Grand Cleric was dead, Anders was dead, and many more would be dead by days end. And in one fell swoop, Alistair and Ferelden had secured the allegiance of not only Kirkwall, but of Starkhaven. The Orlesians would think twice before attacking Ferelden again. And as she thought of Alistair, she smiled.

"I will make it home to you my love." She thought to herself. And with a vengeance she fought with her companions. And when it was over, a feeling of peace fell over her. Bloodied and bruised, she was alive and she was going home.

~XXX~

Viscount Amell sat at her desk and placed her signature on the final two documents. Senechal Bran would act on the Viscount's behalf.

"And the Mages?" Bran asked. "What of them?"

"They never made it out of Kirkwall. Most have returned to the Gallows. Bethany has the situation under control." said the Captain of the Guard.

Bran shook his head. "And the Templars – does our new Knight Commander have them under control as well?"

"I do." All eyes turned to the handsome, but weary looking man entering the room. "Most of Meredith's fanatics died beside of her. The men that remain are committed to protecting not oppressing the mages. It will take years to build any sort of trust I suppose, but if my leadership is accepted, then I believe we can make progress. And I have the First Enchanter in my back pocket after all.' Cullen said with a grin.

"Don't you mean your front pocket?" Isabella said coyly.

"Not another word Isabella." Aveline said menacingly.

"I will need guardsmen, Aveline, and any others with strong backs to remove the bars from the cells, to make the cells into rooms, and to make the Gallows into a home for any mage willing to learn." He turned to Katelyn. "Erin's dream, perhaps come to fruition."

"I did not really know her, but she would be so proud of you Cullen. Alistair, Bethany and I are so grateful for what you have done." She got up from her seat and embraced him. "Thank-you."

Cullen blushed and bowed.

"When Alistair asked me to come to Kirkwall, well, I never imagined I would find my future here. That I would find Bethany, that I would have a son and that together we would find true hope for mages and Templars. It is perhaps I who should thank you."

She said her good-byes. Fenris finally moved from Denarius' estate, leaving Varric to find a buyer. He had decided to stay in Kirkwall, at least for a while, and help renovate the newly purchased Hanged Man, Varric's pride and joy. Isabella finally found a ship and promised to allow Merrill to take a journey with her on the open ocean, after bringing Katelyn to Denerim. Sebastian had decided to reclaim his lands. Although still devout, Sebastian had come to learn that sometimes even the Maker needed a little help from his children. He remained a friend and staunch ally of Katelyn.

~XXX~

"My Lords and Ladies." Alistair began, clearing his throat. "We have resolved many outstanding issues during this Landsmeet. And I am truly humbled that despite our differences, we can come together for the greater good. These have been challenging times. But we have rebuilt our country from the ravishes of the blight, we have secured our borders, and we have found allies that will come to our aid should the Orlesians or the Qunari find it necessary to try to take what is ours."

"And what of our future King Alistair!" yelled Bann Lester. "Your leadership may be unquestioned but you have no plan for the future. You are a warden still with a shortened life span. We have offered our daughters to you and yet still we have no Queen and no heirs!"

Damn Lester. Alistair had been hoping to avoid the topic, despite Teagan's warning to raise the issue himself. Alistair was still too worried about Katelyn and the aftermath of Kirkwall to even entertain the idea of spilling the proverbial beans. Not even Zevran was able to get clear word on what was happening. Alistair knew only that Katelyn and Cullen were alive and that somehow Katelyn had become the new Viscount. Alistair did not know what this would mean. Would the always be parted? It was hard enough for a Grey Warden to conceive a child, how would he be able to produce an heir with Katelyn living in Kirkwall.

With Lester taking the lead, it was not long for several others to follow, demanding to know when Alistair would marry and when would produce an heir. Alistair absently reached for the hawk around his neck and looked pleadingly at Teagan to get him out of this mess. Reagan only shrugged and smiled. He nodded to the guard at the end of the hall. The huge doors to the Landsmeet chambers creaked and groaned as they opened. A tall, beautiful woman walked in. Suddenly the room became silent save for the clacking sound of the woman's boots on the polished stone floor.

Alistair, tears streaming down his face, and a huge grin, made a move to run, but Teagan touched him on the shoulder and whispered in his ear.

"Lords and Ladies of the Landsmeet." Teagan began " May I introduce you to a special guest. A citizen of Ferelden and the Champion of Kirkwall. I am sure many of you are aware of the work the champion has done to care for the Ferelden refugees and how she defeated the Qunari incursion into Kirkwall.

The audience rose and clapped and hooted enthusiastically. Teagan waited for the acknowledgement to die down and continued.

"What you may not know is that recently, this woman was made Viscount of Kirkwall, but she has returned none-the-less, to the home of her birth. My King, perhaps you would like to say something at this time?"

Alistair stood at the podium and bursting with a love and pride that was palpable. He slowly walked off the raised platform and made his way to her.

"This, my fellow Ferelden's is Katelyn. She is your queen and the mother of my …"

Katelyn motioned to him. She turned to her side and held up two fingers and shrugged her shoulders.

"My children" Alistair did not break stride. He swooped her up in his arms, and continued to walk down the aisle as he reached the doors he kissed the woman in his arms and then turned and bowed to the audience.

"I trust you will excuse me." He said. And the room erupted in joyous cheers.


End file.
